12:15PM Eastern Standard Time, a party of 15 enters the restaurant dressed unusually well for a semi-casual dining clientle we generally serve. Low and behold, its a wedding reception...a dining out wedding reception. Common you ask, no? Who on earth goes out to lunch for their wedding reception at 12:15PM?
This, ladies and gentlemen, is just the tip of the iceberg. I completely understand that not all of us can have our fairytale wedding, but if these two got married in a church, I'm sure God was blushing over the dress. It had a corset top, a Victoria's Secret corset top, something I would wear in my honeymoon suite. The groom had on a blue silk shirt, an upside-down heart tattoo underneath his eye, and his bluetooth. Obviously, getting married was not his only priority for the day. Missing those ever-important calls from telemarketers, bill collectors, and wrong numbers would be a crime! With your family and friends surrounding you on what should be the most important day of your life, why the necessity to keep the bluetooth in your ear. Sorry Sir, I hate to break it to you, but you are NOT a celebrity, you are having your wedding reception at a corporate chain restaurant for God's sake!
And, you are thinking, it really couldn't get that much better; don't doubt me. The servers go around and take the order, and the bride orders chicken fingers...chicken fingers...no champange, no New York Strip, no Prime Rib, your average, run-of-the-mill chicken fingers....with extra ranch dressing of course!
Friday, November 30, 2007
If I served you my feelings, I'd be serving you platters of vomit...
A potential book title.
Tonight's story -
We were very very slow, extremely slow, dying-of-boredom slow. In the depths of our slowness, I had been doing the only thing I knew how to do: sucking down the free Coke products and shooting the shit.
Nine thiry rolled around, and low and behold, a table walks into my graveyard of a smoking section and plops down. I begin my spiel, grab their drinks, take their orders, and deliver their salads. I stop for a second to regain my thoughts; after all, this was the most work I had done all evening. Just then, it hit me, I really needed to pee. I ran into the guest restroom, because truthfully, the one in the back is a mess, and the last time I was in it, I walked in on one of the Mexican dishwashers peeing, and telling me in a million words I didn't understand to get the hell out!
Back on track, I run into the guest restroom, take the handicap stall, and do my business. I am putting my apron back on when the door opens, and this women rushes into the stall next to me. She had on a red sweatsuit and those K-Mart velcro snow shoes. As she is plopping down on the toilet, her ass explodes, literally explodes...with the largest fart I have ever heard released in my life. I am rushing to put on my apron and get the hell out of there before my stall fills with the stench (it was really too late) and I burst out in laughter. Just when you think it couldn't get much worse, the lady next to me exclaims, "Oh Lordy, have mercy on me!"
Yes, that is what she said. In a gospel sing-song voice, asking God for mercy afte releasing a Ripley's Believe it or Not cloud of gas.
Need I say more?
Tonight's story -
We were very very slow, extremely slow, dying-of-boredom slow. In the depths of our slowness, I had been doing the only thing I knew how to do: sucking down the free Coke products and shooting the shit.
Nine thiry rolled around, and low and behold, a table walks into my graveyard of a smoking section and plops down. I begin my spiel, grab their drinks, take their orders, and deliver their salads. I stop for a second to regain my thoughts; after all, this was the most work I had done all evening. Just then, it hit me, I really needed to pee. I ran into the guest restroom, because truthfully, the one in the back is a mess, and the last time I was in it, I walked in on one of the Mexican dishwashers peeing, and telling me in a million words I didn't understand to get the hell out!
Back on track, I run into the guest restroom, take the handicap stall, and do my business. I am putting my apron back on when the door opens, and this women rushes into the stall next to me. She had on a red sweatsuit and those K-Mart velcro snow shoes. As she is plopping down on the toilet, her ass explodes, literally explodes...with the largest fart I have ever heard released in my life. I am rushing to put on my apron and get the hell out of there before my stall fills with the stench (it was really too late) and I burst out in laughter. Just when you think it couldn't get much worse, the lady next to me exclaims, "Oh Lordy, have mercy on me!"
Yes, that is what she said. In a gospel sing-song voice, asking God for mercy afte releasing a Ripley's Believe it or Not cloud of gas.
Need I say more?
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Just Starting Out
Thanks to anyone that swings by to read this.
The point of this blog is to share a little bit of a fictionalized take on the day-to-day of the people who wait on you. To cover my ass, the names and places have been changed, I am a little too poor to take on a large corporate restauraunt chain in a lawsuit for copyright infringement! Hell, we can't even take our camera phones in with us, we get in trouble.
So, daily, hopefully, this will expand into the stories of those who wait on you. Trust me, something crazy happens every night I work!! Enjoy, pass it on to your friends, pass it on your servers! Get the word out, I promise, you'll be rolling on the floor laughing, crying pity tears, gagging, smiling, even getting angry at the things that I have to share!
Cheers! And remember, please tip your servers!
The point of this blog is to share a little bit of a fictionalized take on the day-to-day of the people who wait on you. To cover my ass, the names and places have been changed, I am a little too poor to take on a large corporate restauraunt chain in a lawsuit for copyright infringement! Hell, we can't even take our camera phones in with us, we get in trouble.
So, daily, hopefully, this will expand into the stories of those who wait on you. Trust me, something crazy happens every night I work!! Enjoy, pass it on to your friends, pass it on your servers! Get the word out, I promise, you'll be rolling on the floor laughing, crying pity tears, gagging, smiling, even getting angry at the things that I have to share!
Cheers! And remember, please tip your servers!
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