All-you-can-eat-nightmares

I think that every server, in their head, does the countdown for the worst time of the year - the all-you-can-eat promotion. It's definatly the opposite of a countdown for a birthday or holiday, unless you are Scrooge, or turning 40. The endless promotions are truly server hell. Its like having that bad server dream where you are the only one on the floor, its all uphill, and the orders keep coming, except at the end of this one you don't wake up in a cold sweat, you just get another 10% tip and move on trying to avoid hurling a salad bowl against the wall, so you can see something else shatter besides your soul.

Its not even that its endless, that in its self isn't the problem; its the pure gluttony and greed that occur because its endless, and the fact that 99.9% of the population have absolutely no self control. Just seeing the word endless makes their face light up, like it is a birthday or a holiday, when in fact it is just another artery-clogging, face-stuffing, food fest. Its dangerous, its unhealthy, but dammit, its American!


"Hope you got your running shoes on today, cuz you're gonna be earning this tip!" droans the trailer trash that slithered out from in front of their NASCAR and Budweiser, made their wives clip the $4.00 coupon from the newspaper, and come in for water with lemon, and LOTS of boxes. Of course, Sir, I'd love to bring you that 16th refill of pasta, and NO, I do not see your wife shoveling it into her dollar-store tupperware container. Wait, you say you fasted for 28 minutes today? And you stopped at McDonalds on the way here!

"We'll all just have a water, We're not hungry." Of course you're not, but your husband is, and he is planning on ordering round after round, and sliding it to you on the down and down. But, don't you worry, I wore my running shoes today for the previous table, and I'm keeping an eagle eye on you. If anyone's finger so much as touches, and I mean TOUCHES, any of that food, I'm charging you all!!! Ah, come on, don't hate the player, hate the game!!

"You know, that all-you-can-eat really isn't up to par, I want it taken off the bill." Sir, did we mention it was all you can eat, and you just inhaled enough to feed a small army? There is no way in hell that you will ever get that comped. Oh wait, here comes my spineless manager, of course you'll get it for free, just say there was a hair. Wouldn't want you calling corporate would we?

"Can I subsitute this item for a regular menu item." Mam, read the menu, its all you can eat, don't you think that the company has picked the cheapest, easiest to be reproduced in a mass quantity, and most filling items and put it on the all you can eat? Of coures they have, and unless you plan on leaving your first-born as a tip, there's no way I am pulling any sort of string for you...you ordered all you can eat, thats when my good service stopped.

This goes on, for weeks and weeks, that seem like eternity, like you've reached the gates of hell, walked in on accident, and can't find your way out. You start the countdown to it ending, but it never goes by quick enough, and towards the end, its all you can do to drag yourself to work and face another endless night. Especially, a busy endless night, when the wait keeps getting longer and longer because the tables keep ordering more and more refills.

But, there is that day, when it ends. And you get to smile when a table askes, "where's that all you can eat at! Its the only reason I came in!"

I'm sorry Sir, that ended YESTERDAY!!! It's so unfortunate that you weren't able to join us!